Please enjoy my Christmas poem, until next year my friends!

‘Twas the day after Christmas, and all through our house, lay wrapping and boxes, and my still snoring Spouse

The stockings were laid in complete disarray,While the children play screaming, each wanting their way

My coffee for breakfast, and cuts on my fingers,gives way to my memory of wrapping and ribbons

I begin to relax and enjoy my surroundings, when anxiety peaks, with an instant dumbfounding’

Christmas is coming’ I think in my head, I need to start shopping, I must get ahead!

With sales and deals and trinkets galore,I rush to the bathroom, then out the front door

I scoop up my choices, in and out like a flashI’m winning the race with this calendar dash

I’ve got you, I thought, a smirk on my face Julia 1, December last place

I get home in good time to just to start lunch, my husband awake and my kids eating brunch

And although I’m ahead for 2020, I can now enjoy Christmas,… know what I mean 😉


Try these on for size :)

I cannot say another day, another dollar. There isn’t a way that I can buy Peace, when I am in the World, and pass into the other Realm. A sense of Peace and Wellbeing can only come from within. It can only come from loving others as you do yourself, it can only exist in a stretched out hand, that holds everything. Mountainous for eyes that cannot see, and touch that holds nothing barred. When you say ‘ Merry Christmas ‘ ‘ Happy Holiday’s ‘ and so on, say these things with pure and selfless intent. It should be everyday that is Joyous, everyday that is Loving and Everlasting, and it should be every moment that we choose to be Selfless and Whole. Bless you all. Xoxo


Its Almost Christmas

Getting closer to ‘…the baby finger night!…’ That is what my Mom would say, instead of ‘Christmas Eve’. Losing her so quickly a few short years ago was very shocking, and in all Honesty, it still is. We all have our time, we all have our place, but our Humanity will never allow us to have automatic Peace when that ‘time’ comes. Mom, Dad, see you past the stars in a few years to be had, and Merry Christmas everyone. Hug, hold and embrace your Family, friends and all Loved ones. Don’t fear spreading bacteria, instead, look forward to spreading Joy. Xo


A little rustle

Yesterday’s run was a bit windy, no matter which direction I went in, there seemed to be a head wind. I knew that this was my psyche playing with me, but it truly helped with my perception on Life. Whatever choices I make, whichever direction I move in, there will be contrast. I deeply believe that it is so very important, that in our choices, we choose with Pure Intent, Whole Love and Unconditional Understanding. So if the wind begins to blow across our path, making it seem impossible to move forward, push through. Know your purpose and practice your intent for the Present time and the Future that will come.



Every time I wake up a tad early (often enough), I try and see it as Time gained. Perhaps, a moment longer to myself, or the initial breeze outside to start my day. Alas, I’m grumpy, irritable, and as my husband so delicately puts it, ” You’re Mrs. Crabtree”. Mornings definitely aren’t my forte in Life, and I often wonder what is lol…I do desire a better understanding of Time, I do believe it as a Gift, not just a concept. What I choose to do with it, and how, will always be up to me! Right now, at this very moment, I am sharing my thoughts with you 🙂 Enjoy, your day, your way, your perception of Life. Keep your head up and your mind open, for all the things you cannot see.



Trial by Season

The Seasons are always a great reminder for change. Summer comes, we swim, Fall comes, we sit by the fire. Winter comes, the snow begins to fall, and then Spring comes, flowers bloom and the possibilities become timeless!
Since we are now in Winter, lets think of the snow shall we? A snowflake is exceptional, no two are the same. When each flake falls you can see its tiny imprint, its shape, its beautiful curvature and design. Mind you, snowflakes can be made into mountains, be part of major storms, and can blur the vision of a tumultuous sea. How cold it can be when it touches your hand, such a tiny miracle with great purpose.
YOUR grid, YOUR design, YOUR purpose, is already unwinding through the lengths of time as I write, including my own! I embrace the Seasons, I’ve reconciled with change. And I hold out my hands for snowflakes to fall into, they remind me of my unique character, with its purposeful force within it.


Faith alone…

We need to have a physical loss in order to have a Spiritual gain. Some may see this as true and other’s will find it overly emphatic, but to me, it is a necessary awareness that allows me to function in self-awareness, Love, Grace, Understanding and Faith. It is important for me to say, that if I didn’t have Faith in a Creator whose Intention for my Will and Soul to be free of the cages of Humanity, would leave me hopeless, desolate and lost.

Test yourself, take everything away that you think you need, take away distraction, any type of entertainment or other forums of Social Media. Place yourself in a space that s quiet and still, and seek to find the answer to the question of whether or not you are well with your Soul. Do you like your own company? How long is it until you become distracted with your thoughts, and the physical need to function?

There will always be highs and lows in our lives, the World can be Bi-Polar and our Human form is affected by the rapid cycling of Social movement. The encouraging part to all of this, is that your Spirit has nothing to do with this motion. Your Spirit is the part of you that can be that constant steady, and paired with Free Will while making choices, its unstoppable.

Love yourself enough to let go of the issues, past or present, know yourself enough to choose from within and not what is happening around you, and humble yourself enough to know that He who is in you, is Greater than he who is in the World. Your Victor will always come from within.

Have an amazing Saturday!


This Tortured Soul

Good Morning, here is a story that I came across that I decided would be good to share. At times, there can be a smile upon your face, perhaps an assumed skip amidst your walk, but behind your eyes a storm is rolling in. Is lightning a guide in the dark to be used as light to help direct your movements? Or is the blanket of darkness covering you from the fear of being exposed and struck down from the very thing we are supposed to see Beauty in, raw nature. The individual who submitted this asked to be kept anonymous, she believes that it would affect her as a professional and a person. She feel’s that people around her as a work colleague, mother and friend, would see her in a way that would be pathetic. In her anonymity, she has a voice, she will express, and finally feels a way to be heard.


I wake up in the morning, my hand upon my forehead and my eyes closed, the same thought rushing through ” how can I get through another single day…”, sadly, it has transitioned from day to day to minute to minute. Pulling myself up from my double pillowtop mattress, throwing aside my lush duvet covering and centering my downfilled pillows, I begin to drift towards my beautiful ceramic and granite countertop kitchen. I am explaining all of these little luxuries because  I purchased all of them when I was in a place that was so empty and desolate, thinking that perhaps these small pampering would cause me to feel accomplished. Perhaps even contentment that I had the liberty to buy these comfortable treasures. During my day I will drink my coffee, see my coworkers, solve my daily technical problems. I will bond with my Yoga Mat for an hour at lunch time and my treadmill for an hour after work. I then pray and mediate and journal for an hour after work, eat quietly, and usually speak to either one or both of my children.

I have two grown successful daughters, both married and having had children of their own, are very happy and well on their way to a lifetime of Beauty. Although I never had to, and I accept the Greater Good’s Grace for this, I would have starved, gone without new clothing or having a bed for my entire Life to make sure that they had the chance to thrive. They are brilliant and beautiful, best friends, and the funniest of enemies, and have miraculously been kept from this curse that has always continued to be a thorn in my side.

Intimate relationships with their fantasies, they changed after my  fourth husband became my fourth ex husband. I haven’t cursed myself for my choice in men, he was a good man, I haven’t blamed him for any sexual transgressions, there were none, but I had pushed him away as hard as I could. So hard to the point where I told him he was the worst possible encounter that I ever decided to fall into. I knew it would crush him and cause him to hate me, which at this point of time, gave me the greatest Peace. I was doing my best to ensure that I would only have time alone, an empty space for an empty person. I wouldn’t have to pretend to enjoy conversation, to think something is funny, to pretend to focus on a movie, enjoy a meal. All the little things in Life that I would have most definitely looked over, if I had never come to the place where I wanted to look over them. I don’t think that there is a way for a person who just ‘gets down’ can understand the depths of depression and where it can bring the Soul. This isn’t to demean a person’s unhappiness, but more of a desperate plea from a woman who has everything but feels nothing. To understand, that this roaring plague of personal and intimate disruption is so uncertain and socially disengaging, thats it is an Entity, and it won’t leave you alone until you either give in to its call, or become a walking miracle. For me, I want to leave this parasitic conglomeration of energy, this living organism full of hypocrites and the ill intended. This statement sounds quite negative and self-deprecating I’m sure, but I am wide awake, aware of my strengths and weaknesses, but until recently, smiled to smile, laughed to laugh, chatted to chat- about nothing that could enhance personal or social transformation at all. Many of us feel this way, my wording my be different, perhaps too colorful, even oversimplifying, but the way I express myself, and the way it comes across, is the only way I know how and want to be. In the amount that I feel deprived of self-love, there is a depth of love that I will always have for my family. I was told that I would need to give things time, and so many different medications. I’m 47, my time is running thin, but my message is everlasting. If you can’t love yourself, love another, there is something in them that will reflect through your adoration. If you can’t give Grace to yourself, bestow it upon other’s, Grace is never taken its given, and it will be given back to you so that you can be more gentle upon yourself. Your impulse is your impoundment, during your Journey there will be highs and lows, even spaces that may need time for a bridge to be built. Always rebuild, take your time, collect your precious tools, and wait for the day that you will be able to cross and continue on to your next stop on the way.






Just a few words can soothe




We can sit and think and deliberate a promise of whats true,
Decide to believe we all have wings, but flight still needs the room
To spread your wings and feel their span,
With Heart and Soul entwined,
And then we feel an unjust word, and this known flight has lied,
Twas only there to make you think your Spirit was to soar,
And all who love and cherish you, to watch you leave the floor
They hide their chains behind their backs,
And wait until you’ve turned,
And all the moments sweet and shared,
Are now your memories burned,
They take the trust that you have built,
Not one but all together,
With every thought and every word,
Begin to burn your feathers
And just when Life has seemed to breathe its final breath Goodbye,
Your Beauty rises from the Ash, without their hands to fly.
He’s given you a Soul thats free,
A heart thats shared as Whole,
And whispers sweet into your ear and gives you wind to hold.
So never mind a human’s peace, its as flippant a tear
The Phoenix rose up from the Ash,
With a Hand that holds it Dear.


Become the Change You Desire

I know for many years that I have caused great heartache, I was undependable and lived to die rather than live to be. It’s taken many years, a lot of time and prayer, and desire to be close to my Father and seek what His heart desire is for me. To do that, I have had to seek forgiveness and embrace my flaws. Knowing that there is a place of temptation waiting for me to give into the weakness that steers humanity. And I know I am imperfect, and I have caused much turmoil, but I can also say that I have changed, I love to live and seek all of the things that my Spirit needs to learn and grow so that I may help others who have been lost and in pain. Give meaning to those who have felt emptiness, and a light for a dark road on their Journey. But I need to be encouraged as well, accepted as a person anew and a far cry from the girl who caged her own Spirit. I love all of my family, I am your friend, your sister, your daughter, your aunt, your Mother and your wife. I just ask for all of you to give me the freedom from the cage I used to lock myself in, and your Belief in watching me while I fly. And for my mistakes, I am asking for the Grace to understand and forgive my faults , and know they have become new lessons for me to behold. Xo