Faith alone…

We need to have a physical loss in order to have a Spiritual gain. Some may see this as true and other’s will find it overly emphatic, but to me, it is a necessary awareness that allows me to function in self-awareness, Love, Grace, Understanding and Faith. It is important for me to say, that if I didn’t have Faith in a Creator whose Intention for my Will and Soul to be free of the cages of Humanity, would leave me hopeless, desolate and lost.

Test yourself, take everything away that you think you need, take away distraction, any type of entertainment or other forums of Social Media. Place yourself in a space that s quiet and still, and seek to find the answer to the question of whether or not you are well with your Soul. Do you like your own company? How long is it until you become distracted with your thoughts, and the physical need to function?

There will always be highs and lows in our lives, the World can be Bi-Polar and our Human form is affected by the rapid cycling of Social movement. The encouraging part to all of this, is that your Spirit has nothing to do with this motion. Your Spirit is the part of you that can be that constant steady, and paired with Free Will while making choices, its unstoppable.

Love yourself enough to let go of the issues, past or present, know yourself enough to choose from within and not what is happening around you, and humble yourself enough to know that He who is in you, is Greater than he who is in the World. Your Victor will always come from within.

Have an amazing Saturday!

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This Tortured Soul

Good Morning, here is a story that I came across that I decided would be good to share. At times, there can be a smile upon your face, perhaps an assumed skip amidst your walk, but behind your eyes a storm is rolling in. Is lightning a guide in the dark to be used as light to help direct your movements? Or is the blanket of darkness covering you from the fear of being exposed and struck down from the very thing we are supposed to see Beauty in, raw nature. The individual who submitted this asked to be kept anonymous, she believes that it would affect her as a professional and a person. She feel’s that people around her as a work colleague, mother and friend, would see her in a way that would be pathetic. In her anonymity, she has a voice, she will express, and finally feels a way to be heard.

 

I wake up in the morning, my hand upon my forehead and my eyes closed, the same thought rushing through ” how can I get through another single day…”, sadly, it has transitioned from day to day to minute to minute. Pulling myself up from my double pillowtop mattress, throwing aside my lush duvet covering and centering my downfilled pillows, I begin to drift towards my beautiful ceramic and granite countertop kitchen. I am explaining all of these little luxuries because  I purchased all of them when I was in a place that was so empty and desolate, thinking that perhaps these small pampering would cause me to feel accomplished. Perhaps even contentment that I had the liberty to buy these comfortable treasures. During my day I will drink my coffee, see my coworkers, solve my daily technical problems. I will bond with my Yoga Mat for an hour at lunch time and my treadmill for an hour after work. I then pray and mediate and journal for an hour after work, eat quietly, and usually speak to either one or both of my children.

I have two grown successful daughters, both married and having had children of their own, are very happy and well on their way to a lifetime of Beauty. Although I never had to, and I accept the Greater Good’s Grace for this, I would have starved, gone without new clothing or having a bed for my entire Life to make sure that they had the chance to thrive. They are brilliant and beautiful, best friends, and the funniest of enemies, and have miraculously been kept from this curse that has always continued to be a thorn in my side.

Intimate relationships with their fantasies, they changed after my  fourth husband became my fourth ex husband. I haven’t cursed myself for my choice in men, he was a good man, I haven’t blamed him for any sexual transgressions, there were none, but I had pushed him away as hard as I could. So hard to the point where I told him he was the worst possible encounter that I ever decided to fall into. I knew it would crush him and cause him to hate me, which at this point of time, gave me the greatest Peace. I was doing my best to ensure that I would only have time alone, an empty space for an empty person. I wouldn’t have to pretend to enjoy conversation, to think something is funny, to pretend to focus on a movie, enjoy a meal. All the little things in Life that I would have most definitely looked over, if I had never come to the place where I wanted to look over them. I don’t think that there is a way for a person who just ‘gets down’ can understand the depths of depression and where it can bring the Soul. This isn’t to demean a person’s unhappiness, but more of a desperate plea from a woman who has everything but feels nothing. To understand, that this roaring plague of personal and intimate disruption is so uncertain and socially disengaging, thats it is an Entity, and it won’t leave you alone until you either give in to its call, or become a walking miracle. For me, I want to leave this parasitic conglomeration of energy, this living organism full of hypocrites and the ill intended. This statement sounds quite negative and self-deprecating I’m sure, but I am wide awake, aware of my strengths and weaknesses, but until recently, smiled to smile, laughed to laugh, chatted to chat- about nothing that could enhance personal or social transformation at all. Many of us feel this way, my wording my be different, perhaps too colorful, even oversimplifying, but the way I express myself, and the way it comes across, is the only way I know how and want to be. In the amount that I feel deprived of self-love, there is a depth of love that I will always have for my family. I was told that I would need to give things time, and so many different medications. I’m 47, my time is running thin, but my message is everlasting. If you can’t love yourself, love another, there is something in them that will reflect through your adoration. If you can’t give Grace to yourself, bestow it upon other’s, Grace is never taken its given, and it will be given back to you so that you can be more gentle upon yourself. Your impulse is your impoundment, during your Journey there will be highs and lows, even spaces that may need time for a bridge to be built. Always rebuild, take your time, collect your precious tools, and wait for the day that you will be able to cross and continue on to your next stop on the way.

 

L.

 

 

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Just a few words can soothe

 

 

 

We can sit and think and deliberate a promise of whats true,
Decide to believe we all have wings, but flight still needs the room
To spread your wings and feel their span,
With Heart and Soul entwined,
And then we feel an unjust word, and this known flight has lied,
Twas only there to make you think your Spirit was to soar,
And all who love and cherish you, to watch you leave the floor
They hide their chains behind their backs,
And wait until you’ve turned,
And all the moments sweet and shared,
Are now your memories burned,
They take the trust that you have built,
Not one but all together,
With every thought and every word,
Begin to burn your feathers
And just when Life has seemed to breathe its final breath Goodbye,
Your Beauty rises from the Ash, without their hands to fly.
He’s given you a Soul thats free,
A heart thats shared as Whole,
And whispers sweet into your ear and gives you wind to hold.
So never mind a human’s peace, its as flippant a tear
The Phoenix rose up from the Ash,
With a Hand that holds it Dear.

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Become the Change You Desire

I know for many years that I have caused great heartache, I was undependable and lived to die rather than live to be. It’s taken many years, a lot of time and prayer, and desire to be close to my Father and seek what His heart desire is for me. To do that, I have had to seek forgiveness and embrace my flaws. Knowing that there is a place of temptation waiting for me to give into the weakness that steers humanity. And I know I am imperfect, and I have caused much turmoil, but I can also say that I have changed, I love to live and seek all of the things that my Spirit needs to learn and grow so that I may help others who have been lost and in pain. Give meaning to those who have felt emptiness, and a light for a dark road on their Journey. But I need to be encouraged as well, accepted as a person anew and a far cry from the girl who caged her own Spirit. I love all of my family, I am your friend, your sister, your daughter, your aunt, your Mother and your wife. I just ask for all of you to give me the freedom from the cage I used to lock myself in, and your Belief in watching me while I fly. And for my mistakes, I am asking for the Grace to understand and forgive my faults , and know they have become new lessons for me to behold. Xo

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Become the Change You Desire

I know for many years that I have caused great heartache, I was undependable and lived to die rather than live to be. It’s taken many years, a lot of time and prayer, and desire to be close to my Father and seek what His heart desire is for me. To do that, I have had to seek forgiveness and embrace my flaws. Knowing that there is a place of temptation waiting for me to give into the weakness that steers humanity. And I know I am imperfect, and I have caused much turmoil, but I can also say that I have changed, I love to live and seek all of the things that my Spirit needs to learn and grow so that I may help others who have been lost and in pain. Give meaning to those who have felt emptiness, and a light for a dark road on their Journey. But I need to be encouraged as well, accepted as a person anew and a far cry from the girl who caged her own Spirit. I love all of my family, I am your friend, your sister, your daughter, your aunt, your Mother and your wife. I just ask for all of you to give me the freedom from the cage I used to lock myself in, and your Belief in watching me while I fly. And for my mistakes, I am asking for the Grace to understand and forgive my faults , and know they have become new lessons for me to behold. Xo

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A Mother’s Heart

Times have changed, there are moments when I ponder if it’s the convenience of recognizing this because of unending sources of technology, or is it as simple as it sounds. In stating this, it has been within a very recent situation, that time is a very flexible word and point for a beginning of any type of transition. 7 years ago I had my Son and my heart grew a thousand sizes, and unconditional was no longer a word but my battle cry. 5 years ago I began to grow wings, as I had my daughter and the awareness that I could fall in love with two different children, with the same amount of passion and awe for their individual Spirits. I stopped believing I could, and just did. They have never had a limitation in my heart, there could never be a cost too great, just so I could make sure that I see them smile. And although I may become quite unpopular in their eyes, I’m convicted, that one day, they will only be able to see that I have loved them enough to know, that they couldn’t decide until they, without compromise, could love themselves.

But I am only one parent, they still have another.

It truly is a modern-day fairytale, when a home consists of two loving and communicative adults, where they respect one another and are a united front for their Family, through and through. It is almost a modern-day commodity, that we often witness a split Family situation, where children are trying to be sold the idea of 2 Christmases, birthday’s, Easter’s and Thanksgiving. And sadly, in most cases, when their children are out of sight, the opposing parents have their gloves out, trying to reinforce what is right or wrong, without natural order and understanding helping to guide the way. Many times a 3rd party will come in, and instead of supporting a healthy, open and loving co-parenting situation, they combust from their insecurities and begin to maim their partner for their own desires.

Leaving the children gasping for nurturing care.

In my own situation, there has never been a price tag on my children, that could perhaps sway my decisions one way or another. Nothing could take place of their deserved happiness and comfort. Not only do I encourage them to be truthful and direct, I also encourage them to love and respect their Father and his chosen partner and family included. There have been times when information has been passed on to me that has definitely overridden my belief system, and left standing, feeling defensive. Instead, upon the reception of these unwanted pieces of knowledge in opposite fashion, it caused me to weep, love my children more, and to reinforce that each individual in the World is different, and that the only thing that will let you see the difference is your uncompromising heart and ability to practise unconditional love with set personal boundaries.

As of late I have been focusing on my parental lessons to my children:) Spite has been in my heart, and the sound of injustice reverberating in the air. I have wanted to react-but have stopped myself. You see, if I react, it will only reproduce more ammunition to be loaded into to this cannon of subterfuge created by the other party. The only way that I have come to know a positive action that can only produce emotional productivity, is to teach my children to express themselves in Truth, if they are to fight, they fight for equality and Justice, and if they are silent, to be silent in the arms of Who has Created them to be the brilliant light and Hope for the future to embrace.

I believe it will always hurt, as no one would want to argue about their children as we should always be arguing for their positive vitality. I know in my deepest conviction, that it is more important to focus on their positive stability and growth, and that the worry I have watching them be personified by a dollar sign, will never add stress, because they are too busy changing the World around them.

Love your children today, and every second of every moment that passes, they truly are our greatest Gifts to a progressive future.

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You can actually change the World

I remember as a young child I literally thought I could fly. I was 5 at the time when I believed that I received an incredible epiphany that would prove to the ‘naysayers’ of the World, that Human flight WAS possible, and without any aid but personal Faith. We lived down the road from my Grandfather, and he had steps leading up to his front door. I realized that each time I moved up a step, I was suspended in air, even if it was just by a sliver longer! I cannot recall the exact amount of steps, but minute, I think 4 tops, and to an adult they could be climbed in 2 hops but to a child-well-they were each their own personal galaxy that belonged to the Universe below.

I did hurt myself, but I saw it as a souvenir and a reminder of what I believed I was accomplishing. The greatest part, is that I had never really shared this Supernatural Gift and Discovery I had made, because I wasn’t afraid that the adults around wouldn’t believe in me, I didn’t tell them because I felt it was too impossible for them to believe.

I grew older, learned a bit about the force of gravity,  not a lot, but just enough to have a new realization dawn upon me, up to that point in my Life, I really did not fly. Even today, I still have that spark of amazement that, somehow, we as humans can fly,…I still haven’t figured it out yet. Rather than cry and feel as though I had been living in a self made facade of impossible fantasies, I laughed at myself, giggled at my reasoning for not telling adults. The sub-conscious reality broke through, and I knew they would have explained why my Theory was impossible, very creative and whimsicle!…but, impossible.

And then I grew some more, my emotions became dark, and rather than shooting for the stars, I was desparately trying to find a way to spiral downward. I wanted to take myself away from a World that would not allow a person to not only believe in their Dreams, but that they wanted to make your Dreams part of an institution that would decide your Fate based on your social acceptance, academic ability, your materialistic portfolio, and your physical beauty and ‘normalcy’. This may sound dramatic, but at the time, so were my hormones, and was finding it a major disability to place myself where I belonged.

It was then that it became so evident and apparent, it wasn’t unrealistic or even arguable, I belonged with Me. With this realization I didn’t have to be right anymore, because being wrong no longer meant ‘less than’, instead uninformed. I turned my ignorance and frustration into passion for understanding, to have compassion for anything lost, and acceptance for everything found. Acceptance for the Truth of my new awareness, and Humility to know the difference between my Ego and my Being.

With a welling of Self-Love, unconditional Love for all of those around me, and the Divine Blessing of Intended Peace, I realized that once more I could fly again. I have no age, I haven’t any strongholds, my sins are no longer my limitations but challenges to become more pure. By choosing to allow my transgressions to fall and my perception become anew, I came back to Flight from fight, and it was in this simple choice, it really did change my World.

If you want the World to change because you can’t see anything promising in it, look into the mirror and not at your reflection. Look into your eyes, and see what chaos is in your Soul, know enough that you were born to be free from it, and choose to allow yourself the chance at one day taking your very own flight.

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